2024-06-18海外

哈佛大學校報每年都會邀請哈佛新生分享自己的申請文書，並從中精心選出最佳文書刊登出來，這些文書代表了大學招生官眼中的高水平，對於後來的申請人也具有極高的參考價值。

近期，哈佛校報已經公布了2024年成功錄取哈佛的優秀文書並進行點評。一起來看看吧！

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Lauren's Essay

Lunch and recess were opportunities to ‘play’ Stephen Sondheim’s Sweeney Todd, so we murdered our friends. We’d bake the dead into meat pies and scream cacophonously, 「WE ALL DESERVE TO DIE!」 Nine-year-old me even teased my hair, donned my Mrs. Lovett costume for Halloween, and rambled on about Australian penal colonies and how dead fiddle players make for 「stringy」 meat. You cannot imagine my disappointment when everybody thought I was Frankenstein’s Bride.

Like Gypsy Rose Lee, my siblings and I spent our formative years at rehearsals and performances, where I was indoctrinated into the cult that worships Sondheim. In our household, Sondheimian theatre was a religion (I’m not sure how I feel about God, but I do believe in Sondheim.) My brother and I read Sondheim’s autobiography, Finishing the Hat, like the bible, reading the book cover to cover and returning to page one the moment we finished. At six, he introduced me to Sondheim’s West Side Story, which illustrates the harms of poverty and systematic racism. Initially, I only appreciated Jerome Robbins’ choreography (Sorry, Mr. Shakespeare). When I revisited the musical years later, I had a visceral reaction as I witnessed young adults engaging in deadly gang rivalries. Experiencing Tony’s gruesome death forced me, a middle- class suburbanite, to feel the devastating effects of inner-city violence, and my belief in the need for early intervention programs to prevent urban gun violence was born.

I began to discover political and historical undertones in all of Sondheim’s work. For example, Assassins whirlwinds from the Lincoln era up to Reagan’s Presidency. Originally, I simply thought it was hysterical to belt Lynette Fromme’s love ballad to Charles Manson. Later, I realized how much history I had unknowingly retained from this musical. The song 「November 22, 1963」 reflects on America’s most notorious assassination attempts, and alludes to each assassin being motivated by a desperate attempt to connect to a specific individual or culture to gain control over their life. Assassins awakened me to the flaws in some of our quintessential American ideals because the song 「Everybody’s Got the Right」 illustrates how the American individualism enshrined in our Constitution can be twisted to support hate, harm, and entitlement. I internalized Sondheim’s political commentary, and I see its relevance in America's most pressing issues. The misconstrued idea of limitless freedom can be detrimental to public health, worsening issues such as the climate crisis, gun violence, and the coronavirus pandemic. These existential threats largely stem from antiquated ideas that the rights of the few outweigh the rights of the majority. Ironically, a musical about individuals who tried to dismantle our American political system sparked my political interests, but this speaks to the power of Sondheim’s music and my ability to make connections and draw inspiration from unlikely sources.

Absorbing historical and political commentary set to music allows my statistical and logical brain to better empathize with the characters, giving me a deeper understanding of the conflicts portrayed on stage, almost like reading a diary. Theatremakers are influenced by both history and their life experiences. I internalize their underlying themes and values, and my mindset shifts to reflect the art that I adore. I’m an aspiring political changemaker, and Sondheim’s musicals influence my political opinions by enabling me to empathize with communities living drastically different lives from my own.

I sang Sondheim melodies before I could talk. As I grew intellectually and emotionally, Sondheim’s musicals began to carry more weight. With each viewing, I retained new historical and political information. This ritual drives me to continue studying Sondheim and enables me to confidently walk my own path because Sondheim’s work passively strengthens my ethics as I continue to extrapolate relevant life lessons from his melodies. Sondheim’s stories, with their complex, morally ambiguous characters, have solidified my ironclad set of morals which, together with my love of history, have blossomed into a passion for human rights and politics.

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錄取點評

Lauren的文書很有沖擊力。

文書開頭就以【理發師陶德】為主題的課間遊戲中快樂地「謀殺」朋友，你就會被深深的吸引住。

這不是一篇普通的個人文書，這是一段對史帝芬·桑德海姆癡迷的童年狂野之旅。在這段童年中，「戲劇是一種宗教」，而【Finishing the Hat 】是聖經。

這篇文章之所以引人註目， 是因為Lauren毫不掩飾的熱情，她不只是喜歡音樂劇。

【West Side Story】實際上讓她產生了內心的反應，塑造了她的智力成長。

Lauren描述了這些音樂劇的政治背景如何點燃了她對社會正義的熱情。 她還展現了一種既善於分析又富有創造力的思維，將歷史歌曲與槍支暴力和疫情等現代問題聯系起來。

我們一直鼓勵學生這樣做——讓你的熱情閃耀。你的大學文書是讓你的真實聲音得以表達的最佳場所。因此，一定要選擇一個你真正感興趣並投入的主題。這種熱情會具有感染力，並會給讀者留下持久的印象。

Lauren還出色地保持了一種親切而可愛的語氣（「我不確定我對上帝的看法，但我相信桑德海姆」）。

她成功地將對桑德海姆作品的熱情與成為政治變革者的願望聯系起來。

這種熱情和目標的結合令人信服，最終使她成為哈佛大學的一員。

0 2

Marcus' Essay

Successful Harvard Essay: The Zoo

The Zoo

As late afternoon sunlight danced on my shoulders, I squished my eight-year-old face against the glass of the outdoor tank, eyes wide and searching for any signs of life. There! I scrambled from where I was seated, chasing the flickering sight of my prize. The otter darted away from me, his lithe body disappearing into a crack in the stones. I slumped against the wall, disappointed. Ever the HR representative, my mother saw my face and asked me what was wrong. I explained my frustration with the otters -- they’re so fun to watch, but they refuse to be seen. My mother leaned down, brushing a long lock of hair out of my face, and told me, 「Sometimes, the animals get tired of being watched. They just want to be left alone.」

I didn’t think much of the otters after that. Until I became one.

In October of my sophomore year, I was four months into my transition from female to male. I wasn’t out to my extended family, my wardrobe was a haphazard mess of cargo shorts and skirts, and my voice was still, to my distress, annoyingly high. Being transgender at Middleton High School was no small feat -- I stuck out in a sea of over 2,000 cisgender peers, and most of my teachers did not know how to deal with people 「in my situation,」 as one put it.

One day, as I walked to my bus after school, I heard snickers from behind me. I turned around and saw a rowdy group of boys. One had his phone up, recording me. Everyone was laughing, and in an instant I knew they were laughing at me. I turned and walked away, doing my best to conceal myself from their view. The laughter continued.

I was the star of a humiliating show that I never asked to be a part of. I had become the otter. Their laughs kept ringing in my ears as I sat alone on the bus. I wanted to crawl inside myself and implode rather than think about going back to face them again the next day. My phone kept buzzing, but I refused to check it. It was only when I arrived home and checked those messages that I found that the video had been posted across social media for hundreds of my peers to see. It seemed like nothing, just a video of me walking, turning, and looking away. But their laughs were clear in the background, and I still understood the point of the video -- look at the freak. Look at the new zoo exhibit.

Seeing that video, I realized that I couldn’t allow myself to turn into what they saw me as. They wanted an otter, a punching bag that wouldn’t fight back. I was not going to be their otter. The next day, I went to my first Sexuality and Gender Equality club meeting. I spoke to the administration about what had happened. I saved the video and showed people. I took control.

Those boys wanted me to believe that I was merely an exhibit to be laughed at, but now I know I live for greater things. I live for lattes, for courtroom closing arguments, for the pesto I make at work. I live for Black Lives Matter and #enough and Pride. I live for kayaking and summer camp, for the kids in SAGE and my younger sister. My classmates tried to dehumanize me, trample me, and mold me into their image of transgender people. Maybe they’ll never see me as an equal, but that is their blindness, not mine. I do not live on display. I do not live in a zoo.

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錄取點評

這篇文書非常的發人深省。

Marcus出色地創作了一個深刻、內省和成功的個人發展故事，重點關註「身份」和「克服障礙」。

盡管討論兩個主題可能有點冒險，但她完美地將它們串聯在一起。

每一段都獨具匠心，以優美的創意散文形式，講述了Marcus的旅程 ——從童年的困惑（與水獺的相遇）到未來的自我發現和孤立（她成為水獺），再到自我接受和決心（她不會被欺負），最終走向勝利（她對生活的熱情和熱愛）。

在第1-2段中，Marcus關於動物園水獺的個人軼事非常有效地構成了她從順性別到跨性別的艱難轉變的更大討論框架。

她母親關於水獺自我隔離原因的智慧閃閃發光，為接下來的內容奠定了基礎。

Marcus將自己與她曾經在動物園見過的水獺進行了比較，這激發了我繼續閱讀的興趣。

第3段有效地突出了她在高中轉型期間所經歷的困難——出櫃、著裝、尖銳的聲音和學術能力的挑戰。這些例子有助於讀者理解她的困境。

第4-5段描述了Marcus的自我意識，她現在已經成為動物園裏的水獺——一個擺設，一個「怪胎」，一個她從未想過成為的人。

她編織了一段悲傷而又令人不安的高中經歷，欺淩和公開羞辱讓她感到悲傷、孤立，並質疑她的自我價值。Marcus的誠實喚起了真實的情感，我真的為她感到難過。

第6段出現了「頓悟」時刻，Marcus進行了令人愉悅的深刻反思，意識到她不會成為笑柄，而是變革的推動者。 她透過參加俱樂部會議和與學校教職員工交談來「掌控局面」。

第7段體現了勝利的喜悅，因為Marcus詳細描述了她的喜悅、自我接受以及她現在的樣子。她喜歡咖啡、法律、工作、輕艇、她的妹妹、黑人的命也是命和性別聯想。

她透過理解分享智慧，她明白自己無法改變他人的無知，但可以作為新的自我過上有意義的、充滿激情的生活——這是對讀者以及其他像她一樣的人的真誠資訊。

總的來說，這篇文書帶領讀者踏上一段生動、感人且結構良好的旅程，分享作者獨特的經歷以及這些經歷對她的成長和成熟為何如此重要。

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Daniella's Essay

Each time I bake cookies, they come out differently. Butter, sugar, eggs, flour — I measure with precision, stir with vigor, then set the oven to 375°F. The recipe is routine, yet hardly redundant.

After a blizzard left me stranded indoors with nothing but a whisk and a pantry full of the fundamentals, I made my first batch: a tray of piping hot chocolate chunkers whose melt-in-the-mouth morsels comforted my snowed-in soul. Such a flawless description, however, belies my messy process. In reality, my method was haphazard and carefree, the cookies a delicious fortuity that has since been impossible to replicate.

Each subsequent batch I make is a gamble. Will the cookies flatten and come out crispy? Stay bulbous and gooey? Am I a bad baker, or are they inherently capricious? Even with a recipe book full of suggestions, I can never place a finger on my mistake. The cookies are fickle and short-tempered. Baking them is like walking on eggshells — and I have an empty egg carton to prove it. Perhaps beginner’s luck had been the secret ingredient all along.

Yet, curiosity keeps me flipping to the same page in my recipe book. I became engrossed in perfecting the cookies not by the mechanical satisfaction of watching ingredients combine into batter, but by the chance to wonder at simplicity. The inconsistency is captivating. It is, after all, a strict recipe, identical ingredients combined in the same permutation. How can such orthodox steps yield such radical, unpredictable results? Even with the most formulaic tasks, I am questioning the universe.

Chemistry explains some of the anomaly. For instance, just a half-pinch extra of baking soda can have astounding ramifications on how the dough bubbles. The kitchen became my laboratory: I diaried each trial like a scientist; I bought a scale for more accurate measurements; I borrowed 「On Food and Cooking: the Science and Lore of the Kitchen」 from the library. But all to no avail — the variables refused to come together in any sort of equilibrium.

I then approached the problem like a pianist, taking the advice my teacher wrote in the margins of my sheet music and pouring it into the mixing bowl. There are 88 pitches on a keyboard, and there are a dozen ingredients in the recipe. To create a rhapsodic dessert, I needed to understand all of the melodic and harmonic lines and how they complemented one another. I imagined the recipe in Italian script, the chocolate chips as quick staccatos suspended in a thick adagio medium. But my fingers always stumbled at the coda of each performance, the details of the cookies turning to a hodgepodge of sound.

I whisk, I sift, I stir, I pre-heat the oven again, but each batch has its flaws, either too sweet, burnt edges, grainy, or underdone. Though the cookies were born of boredom, their erratic nature continues to fascinate me. Each time my efforts yield an imperfect result, I develop resilience to return the following week with a fresh apron, ready to try again. I am mesmerized by the quirks of each trial. It isn’t enough to just mix and eat — I must understand.

My creative outlook has kept the task engaging. Despite the repetition in my process, I find new angles that liven the recipe. In college and beyond, there will be things like baking cookies, endeavors that seem so unvaried they risk spoiling themselves to a housewife’s drudgery. But from my time in the kitchen, I have learned how to probe deeper into the mechanics of my tasks, to bring music into monotony, and to turn work into play. However the cookie crumbles in my future, I will approach my work with curiosity, creativity, and earnestness.

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錄取點評

Daniella的文書寫的可愛、有趣而且很有效。

真實而自然地展示了她的不同方面、她如何處理問題以及她所看重的東西。這個話題的平凡與她的結論、見解完美契合。

她 運用幽默，表現出堅韌、創造力、求知欲和對哲學思考的真實傾向。

她的「聲音」充滿自信，用詞富有創意，每一段的詞匯都深刻地反映了她的不同方面（科學家「記錄每一次試驗」；音樂家試圖創造「狂想曲甜點」）。

有幾段詳細描述Daniella制作餅乾過程的文字也非常有力。

她用感性的細節來描述，讓人產生共鳴（你可以聞到、嘗到和感覺到那些巧克力），而不是在文章中塞滿各種資歷或經歷。

這種結構大膽而謙遜。它讓Daniella向讀者展示而不是告訴他們她是如何思考的、如何解決問題的、如何堅持不懈的。這非常有力。

0 4

Sarika's Essay

I, Too, Can Dance

I was in love with the way the dainty pink mouse glided across the stage, her tutu twirling as she pirouetted and her rose-colored bow following the motion of her outstretched arms with every grand jeté.

I had always dreamed I would dance, and Angelina Ballerina made it seem so easy. There was something so freeing about the way she wove her body into the delicate threads of the Sugar Plum Fairy’s song each time she performed an arabesque. I longed for my whole being to melt into the magical melodies of music; I longed to enchant the world with my own stories; and I longed for the smile that glimmered on every dancer’s face.

At recess, my friends and I would improvise dances. But while they seemed well on their way to achieving ballerina status, my figure eights were more like zeroes and every attempt at spinning around left me feeling dizzy. Sometimes, I even ran over my friends’ toes. How could I share my stories with others if I managed to injure them with my wheelchair before the story even began?

I then tried piano, but my fingers stumbled across the keys in an uncoordinated staccato tap dance of sorts. I tried art, but the clumsiness of my brush left the canvas a colorful mess. I tried the recorder, but had Angelina existed in real life, my rendition of 「Mary Had a Little Lamb」 would have frozen her in midair, with flute-like screeches tumbling through the air before ending in an awkward split and shattering the gossamer world the Sugar Plum Fairy had worked so hard to build.

For as long as I could remember, I’d also been fascinated by words, but I’d never explored writing until one day in fourth grade, the school librarian announced a poetry contest. That night, as I tried to sleep, ideas scampered through my head like Nutcracker mice awakening a sleeping Clara to a mystical new world. By morning, I had choreographed the mice to tell a winning story in verse about all the marvelous outer space factoids I knew.

Now, my pencil pirouettes perfect O’s on paper amidst sagas of doting mothers and evanescent lovers. The tip of my pen stipples the lines of my notebook with the tale of a father’s grief, like a ballerina tiptoeing en pointe; as the man finds solace in nature, the ink flows gracefully, and for a moment, it leaps off the page, as if reaching out to the heavens to embrace his daughter’s soul. Late at night, my fingers tap dance across the keys of my laptop, tap tap tapping an article about the latest breakthrough in cancer research—maybe LDCT scans or aneuploidy-targeted therapy could have saved the daughter’s life; a Spanish poem about the beauty of unspoken moments; and the story of a girl in a wheelchair who learned how to dance.

As the world sleeps, I lose myself in the cathartic cadences of fresh ink, bursting with stories to be told and melting into parched paper. I cobble together phrases until they spring off my tongue, as if the Sugar Plum Fairy herself has transformed the staccato rumblings of my brain into something legato and sweet. I weave my heart, my soul, my very being into my words as I read them out loud, until they become almost like a chant. With every rehearsal, I search for the perfect finale to complete my creation. When I finally find it, eyes dry with midnight-induced euphoria, I remember that night so many years ago when I discovered the magic of writing, and smile.

I may not dance across the stage like Angelina Ballerina, but I can dance across the page.

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錄取點評

這篇文書，Sarika巧妙地描述了她想像虛構角色安吉麗娜芭蕾舞者那樣跳舞，到透過寫作找到深刻的滿足感和表達自己的方式。

⁤⁤文章開頭詳細描述了Sarika早期對舞蹈的迷戀，這種迷戀是由她在電視上看到的動畫表演激發的。⁤⁤

然而，我們了解到，她第一次嘗試模仿這些舞蹈動作時，由於身體限制而受到阻礙，這使她年輕的目標變得復雜和受挫。

⁤盡管困難重重，Sarika的故事仍然充滿著堅韌和獨創性。⁤⁤她在繪畫和鋼琴等其他藝術媒介上的經歷也遵循著類似的模式：最初充滿熱情，隨後意識到自己的身體局限性。

⁤⁤然而，這些努力被視為墊腳石，每一個都增強了她的動力，引導她走向一個她真正能夠取得成功的領域。⁤

當Sarika發現寫作時，她的故事發生了戲劇性的轉折。⁤⁤這一認識不僅是一種安慰，也是對自己聲音的一次勝利發現。⁤⁤

寫作就像她的舞池，文字使她能夠優雅地移動，用舞台表演者所展現的優雅和流暢講述故事和表達概念。⁤⁤

Sarika用與舞蹈相關的意象來描述她的寫作過程，比如她的鉛筆「旋轉」和她的敘述「躍然紙上」，有效地將舞蹈和寫作進行了比較。

Sarika的深刻反思和成熟的認識，即藝術表達可以有多種形式，使她的文章如此感人。⁤⁤

她傳達了一個強烈的資訊，即接受一個人的能力，並探索藝術表達的多種途徑。⁤

在文書結尾，Sarika已經接受了自己的命運，甚至開始喜歡它。

⁤⁤她在深夜有節奏地敲擊鍵盤中找到了快樂，創作的故事有著經過精心編排的舞蹈般的優雅和復雜性。

0 5

Michelle's Essay

Fish Out of Water:
idiom. a person who is in an unnatural environment; completely out of place.

When I was ten, my dad told me we were moving to somewhere called "Eely-noise." The screen flashed blue as he scrolled through 6000 miles of water on Google Earth to find our new home. Swipe, swipe, swipe, and there it was: Illinois, as I later learned.

Moving to America was like going from freshwater into saltwater. Not only did my mom complain that American food was too salty, but I was helplessly caught in an estuary of languages, swept by daunting tides of tenses, articles, and homonyms. It’s not a surprise that I developed an intense, breathless kind of thirst for what I now realize is my voice and self-expression.

This made sense because the only background I had in English was 「Konglish」--an unhealthy hybrid of Korean and English--and broken phrases I picked up from SpongeBob. As soon as I stepped into my first class in America, I realized the gravity of the situation: I had to resort to clumsy pantomimes, or what I euphemistically called body language, to convey the simplest messages. School became an unending game of pictionary.

Amid the dizzying pool of vowels and phonemes and idioms (why does spilling beans end friendships?), the only thing that made sense was pictures and diagrams. Necessarily, I soon became interested in biology as its textbook had the highest picture-to-text ratio. Although I didn’t understand all the ant-like captions, the colorful diagrams were enough to catch my illiterate attention: a green ball of chyme rolling down the digestive tract, the rotor of the ATP synthase spinning like a waterwheel. Biology drew me with its ELL-friendliness and never let go.

I later learned in biology that when a freshwater fish goes in saltwater, it osmoregulates--it drinks a lot of water and urinates less. This used to hold true for my school day, when I constantly chugged water to fill awkward silences and lubricate my tongue to form better vowels. This habit in turn became a test of English-speaking and bladder control: I constantly missed the timing to go to the bathroom by worrying about how to ask. The only times I could express myself were through my fingers, between the pages of Debussy and under my pencil tip. To fulfill my need for self-expression and communication, I took up classical music, visual art, and later, creative writing. To this day, I will never forget the ineffable excitement when I delivered a concerto, finished a sculpture, and found beautiful words that I could not pronounce. If biology helped me understand, art helped me be understood.

There’s something human, empathetic, even redemptive about both art and biology. While they helped me reconcile with English and my new home, their power to connect and heal people is much bigger than my example alone. In college and beyond, I want to pay them forward, whether by dedicating myself to scientific research, performing in benefit concerts, or simply sharing the beauty of the arts. Sometimes, language feels slippery like fish on my tongue. But knowing that there are things that transcend language grounds and inspires me. English seeped into my tongue eventually, but I still pursue biology and arts with the same, perhaps universal, exigency and sincerity: to understand and to be understood.

Over the years, I have come to acknowledge and adore my inner fish, that confused, tongue-twisted and home-sick ELL kid from the other side of the world, which will forever coexist within me. And I’ve forgiven English, although I still can’t pronounce words like 「rural,」 because it gifted me with new passions to look forward to every day. Now, when I see kids with the same breathless look that I used to have gasping for home water, Don’t worry, I want to tell them.

You’ll find your water.

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錄取點評

Michelle的文章為讀者呈現了一段生動有趣、引人入勝的旅程，講述了他們作為移民適應伊利諾州新生活的經歷。

雖然有些移民經歷文書可能顯得平淡無奇，但Michelle巧妙地利用「魚離開水」的習語，構建了一個延伸的隱喻，將他們對生物學和藝術的熱愛與他們掌握英語的不斷發展聯系起來。

這篇文書的獨特之處在於坦率而幽默地描述了Michelle每天與語言鬥爭的經歷，從最初用「笨拙的啞劇」來表示想上廁所，到找到美麗的新詞來表達自己時「難以言喻的興奮」，展示了Michelle最終成長為一位完全掌握英語的能言善辯的作家。

這篇文書充分展示了Michelle對音樂、藝術、生物學等各種興趣的熱愛，但最令人印象深刻的是Michelle對適應美國生活和文化的細致入微和內省的記錄。

顯然，Michelle真的很喜歡寫作，喜歡用合適的詞語來表達自己的想法，展現出他們的堅韌和對學習的熱愛。

Michelle對成長為作家和藝術家的真誠熱情貫穿了整篇文書，溫暖而幽默，極具感染力。

0 6

Clara's Essay

My nightstand is home to a small menagerie of critters, each glass-eyed specimen lovingly stuffed with cotton. Don’t get the wrong idea, now – I’m not a taxidermist or anything. I crochet.

Crochet is a family tradition. My grandmother used to wield her menacing steel hook like a mage’s staff and tout it as such: an instrument that bestowed patience, decorum, and poise on its owner. During her youth in Vietnam, she spent her evenings designing patterns for ornate doilies and handkerchiefs. Then the Vietnam War turned our family into refugees. The Viet Cong imprisoned my grandfather, a colonel in the South Vietnam Air Force, in a grueling labor camp for thirteen years. Many wives would have lost hope, but my grandmother was no average woman. A literature professor in a time when women’s access to education was limited, she assumed the role of matriarch with wisdom and confidence, providing financial and emotional security. As luxuries like yarn grew scarce, she conjured up all sorts of useful household items – durable pillowcases, blankets, and winter coats – and taught my mother to do the same. Because of these bitter wartime memories, she wanted my handiwork to be of a decidedly less practical bent; among the first objects she taught me to crochet were chrysanthemums and roses. However, making flowers bloom from yarn was no easy task.

Even with its soft plastic grip and friendly rounded edges, my first crochet hook had a mind of its own, like the enchanted broom in 「The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.」 It stubbornly disobeyed my orders as I impatiently wrenched it through the yarn. My grandmother’s stern appraisal of my efforts often interrupted this perpetual tug-of-war: My stitches were uneven. The edges curled inward. I would unravel my work and start anew.

I convinced myself that cobbling together a lopsided rectangle would be the pinnacle of my crochet prowess but refused to give up. Just as a diligent wizard casts more advanced spells over time, I learned to channel the magic of the crochet hook. The animal kingdom is my main source of inspiration; the diversity and vivid pigmentation of life on Earth lend themselves perfectly to the vibrant and versatile art of crochet. Many of the animals I make embark on migratory journeys, like their real-life counterparts. Take Agnes, for example, a cornflower-blue elephant named after mathematician Maria Gaetana Agnesi who lives in my calculus teacher’s classroom, happily grazing on old pencil shavings and worksheets. As I fasten off the final stitches on every creature, I hope to weave a little whimsy and color into someone’s life.

Each piece I finish reminds me of the network of stitches that connects mother and daughter, past and present, tradition and innovation. In this vast cultural web, I am proud to be my family’s link between East and West. As I prepare for adulthood, I am eager to weave my own mark into the great patchwork quilt that is America.

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錄取點評

Clara的文書將她的聲音、家族歷史和當前角色無縫地融入到動人且有效的敘述中。

她以完美的開場開始。透過生動、具體的詞語選擇（床頭櫃上的「玻璃眼標本」）展示了Clara的聲音和幽默（「不是標本剝制師」）。

同時，這篇文書很快引入了主題：鉤針編織。

然後，文書「縮小範圍」以增加賭註。鉤針編織不僅僅是一種愛好：這是Clara一家在越南戰爭中賴以生存的傳統。

雖然Clara提到了她家人經歷的殘酷現實，但她很快又把焦點轉移到自己身上。 許多學生都忘記了這一點：無論你過去經歷了什麽，你的文書都必須是關於你現在的。

文書讓我們深入了解了她的性格。 Clara不會因失敗而氣餒，不會因為困難而放棄。 透過專註於提高鉤針編織技能的努力，Clara展現了申請文書中經常缺少的成熟、毅力和自我意識。

Clara的文書一鳴驚人。

我們教學生在文書中連結過去、現在和未來。 Clara做到了這一點：寫關於鉤針編織的文書讓Clara能夠以一個復雜的討論結束，即她的家族歷史不僅影響了她現在的生活，還影響了她未來的大學目標。

0 7

Orlee's Essay

I’m hiding behind the swing door of the dressing room when I text my mom just one word: 「Traumatizing!」 I’m on a bra-shopping expedition with my grandmother, and just in case it’s not abundantly clear, this trip was Not. My. Idea. Bra shopping has always been shrouded in mystery for me, and growing up in a household with two moms and two younger sisters hasn’t helped one bit: One of my moms doesn’t wear bras; the other proudly proclaims that her bras are older than me. A two-mom family without the faintest idea what a teenage girl needs—par for the course around here.

So when my 78-year-old grandmother volunteered to take me bra shopping, my moms jumped at the chance. Here I was with my frugal grandmother, outlet-shopping among the racks of intimates that aren’t sized quite right, that have too much padding or too little…You can see my predicament, and it’s no surprise that my younger self was confused by the words 「wire-free,」「concealing petals,」「balconette.」

The saleswoman called to my grandmother from across the store, 「What cup size is she?」

「I don’t know,」 my grandmother screamed back. 「Can you measure her?」

Measure me? They have got to be kidding.

***

「I just don’t want her to feel different,」 I heard my grandmother say later that day. 「Kids this age can be so mean.」

I love my grandmother, but she believes the world is harsh and unforgiving, and she thinks that the only path to happiness is fitting in. My grandmother had taken me bra shopping in a last-ditch attempt to make me 「normal」 because I was entering 9th grade at Deerfield in a few weeks, and she worried that I would stick out worse than the underwire of a bargain basement bra.

It’s true—I’m not your typical Deerfield student. I’m a day student with lesbian moms who have several fewer zeros on their bank account balance than typical Deerfield parents. I’m the kid with a congenital foot deformity, which means I literally can’t run, who will never be able to sprint across campus from classroom to classroom. I’m the kid with life-threatening food allergies to milk and tree nuts who can’t indulge in the pizza at swim team celebrations or the festive cake and ice cream during advisory meetings.

But fitting in was my grandmother’s worry, not mine. What my grandmother didn’t consider is that there’s no single way to fit in. I might be two minutes later to class than the sprinters, but I always arrive. I might have to explain to my friends what 「having two moms」 means, but I’ll never stop being thankful that Deerfield students are eager to lean in and understand. I may not be able to eat the food, but you can count on me to show up and celebrate.

While I can’t run, I can swim and play water polo, and I can walk the campus giving Admissions tours. My family might not look like everyone else’s, but I can embrace those differences and write articles for the school newspaper or give a talk at 「School Meeting,」 sharing my family and my journey. Some of my closest friendships at Deerfield have grown from a willingness on both sides to embrace difference.

On one of the first days of 9th grade, I sat down to write a 「Deerfield Bucket List」—a list of experiences that I wanted to have during my four years in high school, including taking a Deerfield international trip and making the Varsity swim team. That list included thirteen items, and I’m eleven-thirteenths of the way there, not because I have the right bra, but because I’ve embraced the very thing that my grandmother was afraid of. Bra shopping is still shrouded in mystery for me, but I know that I am where I should be, I’m doing work that matters to me, and fitting in rarely crosses my mind.

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錄取點評

Orlee在文書中分享她正在買胸罩，身邊還有溺愛她的祖母，出乎意料地將我們帶入了她勇敢選擇分享尷尬、「令人痛苦」的時刻。

幾秒鐘後，我們還認識了她自稱對時尚一竅不通的兩位媽媽。這只是第一段，我已經喜歡上她了。

平均每篇文章只有幾分鐘的閱讀時間，招生讀者會想知道這篇文章的走向。

一開始，我們就知道Orlee的祖母對世界的看法是「嚴厲和無情的」，這使她保護Orlee，而她提出的解決方案是幫助Orlee融入社會，這樣她就會被視為「正常人」。

起初，我們認為這篇文章是關於青少年焦慮的， 但出乎意料的是，Orlee很快讓我們知道，她祖母對她融入社會的擔憂既不無道理，也並非毫無根據。

Orlee透露，她患有先天性足部畸形，這限制了她跑步的能力，並且患有嚴重的、危及生命的食物過敏癥。

現在她引起了我們的註意，她巧妙地編織了她日常生活的更多快照，展示了她如何勇敢地選擇在困難時刻出現。

她直截了當的描述並不具有操縱性，相反，她的態度是樂觀的。 我們了解到她的毅力，以及她總是迎接挑戰。

她展示了她如何找到為自己創造空間的方法，以便她能夠被包容，她理所當然地不會為她的身體挑戰請求授權或道歉。

考慮到其他人可能因為她明顯的身體缺陷而迅速將她歸類，Orlee立即將重點放在了她在校園中可以貢獻的眾多優勢上，並提供了幾個清晰的例子來說明她如何全身心投入並克服他人的負面看法。

她向我們講述了她作為一名團隊成員豐富學校的無數方法，以免我們陷入低估她能力的不幸陷阱。

Orlee設定了鼓舞人心的人生目標，她可愛的高中願望清單也即將完成。 這位學生不怕努力，不怕實作，她過著最好的生活，我發現自己為她歡呼！

這篇文書之所以成功，是因為它告訴我們Orlee 是誰，她是如何成長起來的，她重視朋友和隊友，並將把同樣的能量帶給她的大學社群。

她聰明、好奇、自信、善良。她設定目標，規劃願景來支持她的世界觀。「她很少考慮融入。」這是她的品牌故事，我來這裏就是為了這個！

0 8

Billy's Essay

As I rode up and down the gentle slopes of the Peabody skatepark, I watched my younger brother race down from the highest point on the halfpipe and fly past me at the speed of light. I wish I could do that, I thought, eyeing the enormous curve that towered over me. But I didn’t dare make my way up to the top. Instead, I stuck with the routine I was comfortable with, avoiding the steep inclines at all costs.

Each week during the summer before my fourth grade year, my brother and I would visit that same skatepark, and I would take my mini-BMX bike to the bottom of that monstrous ramp, ready to attack the giant. I started off low reaching only a quarter of the way up at first, too scared to go any higher. But each week, I gained more confidence and kept reaching greater heights. Halfway there, two-thirds, three quarters. Until finally, I mustered up enough courage to complete my final challenge.

With my brother’s shouts of joy ringing in my ears, it seemed as though the concrete mass was calling my name, drawing me closer and closer, until I couldn’t resist its pleading any further. I walked my bike up the stairs and approached the steep drop off. My hands started to sweat and my legs began to shake as I inched toward the edge, staring in the face of doom. Finally at the lip of the ramp, I paused briefly, took a deep breath, and moved forward just enough to send myself speeding downwards. I couldn’t contain my excitement as my, 「Woooo!」 echoed around the park. I had finally ridden down the tallest ramp!

Throughout my life I have enjoyed having a plan and being in control. When working in a group, I make sure that everyone knows exactly which aspect of the project they will complete. I organize all my homework in a planner so that I never miss a due date. Each night, I outline my schedule for the following day so that I know what meetings, sports events, and other activities I have to attend. When I visited New York City over the summer, I prepared a detailed itinerary to follow. Rarely is there a day when I don’t have a general idea of what I’m going to do, but sometimes my plan doesn’t correlate with how the day truly plays out.

Over the years, I have learned to adapt when situations take an unexpected turn, and, similar to that time at the skatepark, I have been able to step out of my comfort zone more often. It isn’t the end of the world when things don’t go exactly as planned; often times, sudden changes and new experiences make for a more enjoyable and interesting time. As much as I enjoy a strict itinerary, some of my best nights have begun by hopping in the car with my friends, picking a direction, and going wherever the wind takes us. As hard as I try to plan out my day, an unforeseen event is almost inevitable. Although this can bring about some stress, scrambling around to figure things out is not only an essential skill, but can be a fun challenge, too.

I can’t imagine a completely organized life without a little uncertainty. Unexpected circumstances are bound to occur, and making the most of them is one of my favorite parts of life. Regardless of how much I love having a plan, my flexibility and willingness to step out of my comfort zone is something I have and will always take pride in.

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錄取點評

Billy征服皮博迪滑板場巨大坡道的故事不僅僅是透過增加風險來拓寬自己的舒適區。 要真正理解這個小插曲如何提高他被錄取的機率，我們必須考慮其更大的背景。

Billy承認自己是一個高度有條理的行程制定者，一直喜歡掌控一切。

四年級的Billy騎著BMX自由車來參加比賽的形象與他廣泛的課外領導能力和雄心勃勃的環境工程抱負所描繪的形象完全相反。

雖然沒有明確說明， 但Billy的文章向我們展示了他自由自在的童年夏天與他嚴格安排的高中時代有多大的不同。

雖然感覺就像是一輩子以前的事了，但Billy並沒有忘記向邊緣一步步靠近、直面厄運並心甘情願地放手是什麽感覺。

事實上，八年後的今天，每當Billy按下暫停鍵，暫停目標，拋開謹慎，與朋友一起踏上即興的公路之旅時，這段記憶依然清晰。

Billy的U字型滑道的故事平衡了候選人資格，如果沒有它，候選人資格可能會顯得謹慎或不靈活，這表明他意識到了過於執著於遊戲計劃的機會成本。

0 9

Francisco's Essay

Three days before I got on a plane to go across the country for six weeks I quit milk cold-turkey. I had gone to the chiropractor to get a general check up. I knew I had scoliosis and other problems; however, I learned that because of my excessive, to say the least, intake of milk my body had developed a hormone imbalance. I decided it would be best for my health to completely stop drinking milk and avoid dairy when possible. Little did I know, this was only the start of a summer of change; three days later I got on a plane to attend the Minority Introduction To Engineering and Science (MITES) program in Massachusetts.

I assumed that most of the people were going to be unhealthily competitive because of my past experiences. I thought I would keep to myself, do my work, and come back no different. Living in a building with 80 people I’ve never met in a place I’ve never been while making a significant life style change was not easy. The first few days were not kind: I got mild stomach ulcers, it was awkward, and I felt out of place. That first Thursday night however, all of that started to change. On Thursday evenings we had 「Family Meetings」 and on this particular Thursday part of our Machine Learning class was working together when the time came to go to the dining hall for whatever this 「Family Meeting」 was. Honestly we dreaded it at first, 「I have work to do」 was the most common phrase. We learned that 「Family Meeting」 was a safe space for us to talk about anything and everything. Today’s theme was, 「what’s something important about your identity that makes you unique?」 but the conversation quickly evolved into so much more. People spoke about losing family members, being shunned at home, not feeling comfortable in their own skin, and more. So many people opened up about incredibly personal things, I felt honored to be given that trust. The room was somber and warm with empathy as the meeting concluded. Out of my peripheral vision I saw Izzy, one of my Machine Learning classmates, rushing back to the conference room. I realized something was not right. Instinctively, I followed her back to where we were working. Izzy sat down and immediately broke down, the rest of us filed in as she started to talk about what was wrong. It felt as though an ambulance was sitting on my chest, my breaths were short and stingy. I was afraid; afraid my support wouldn’t be good enough, afraid to show that I cared, afraid they didn’t care for me. In this one moment all my insecurities, some I didn’t even know I had, came to the surface. The heavy silence of hushed sobbing was broken by an outpouring of support and a hug. We all started sharing what we’re going through and even some of our past trauma. Slowly that weight is lifted off my chest. I feel comfortable, I feel wanted, I feel safe.

This is the first time I truly felt confident, empowered, and loved. I am surrounded by people smarter than me and I don’t feel any lesser because of it. I have become the true Francisco, or Cisco as they call me. I now, at all times, am unapologetically myself. The difference is night and day. As the program progressed I only felt more comfortable and safe, enough so to even go up and speak at a family meeting. These people, this family, treated me right. I gained priceless confidence, social skills, self-worth, empathetic ability, and mental fortitude to take with me and grow on for the rest of my life. Through all of this somehow cutting out the biggest part of my diet became the least impactful part of my summer.

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錄取點評

Francisco的文書【我上飛機前三天】描述了他參與麻省理工學院的少數族裔工程與科學入門 (MITES) 計畫的經歷，這也是他內省之旅的背景。

故事從一個看似微不足道的決定開始——出於健康原因放棄喝牛奶——但很快就變成了改變生活的事件的隱喻。

這篇文書巧妙地利用了這種內在的轉變，安排了一個夏天，從根本上改變了Francisco對自己和與他人互動的看法。

他一開始對 MITES 計畫感到緊張，因為他預計這是一個競爭非常激烈的環境，會讓他感到更加孤獨。

他在計畫初期遇到的身體和心理困難——例如輕微的胃潰瘍和強烈的疏離感——加劇了這種擔憂。

但在該計劃每周舉行的「家庭會議」上，故事發生了戲劇性的轉折。

會議旨在鼓勵成員之間坦誠對話和支持。此時，Francisco經歷了重大轉變。

一次會議的主題是「你的身份中有什麽重要的東西讓你與眾不同？」，後來逐漸演變成越來越詳細、親密的揭露，使聚會變成了一個充滿同情和脆弱的環境。

Francisco被他的同齡人分享個人問題的坦率所深深感動，這促使他重新考慮他如何對待該計劃和他的同齡人。

Francisco 的文書出色地說明了社群和坦誠的對話如何對個人發展產生重大影響。 他的經歷證明了學習環境中安全空間的價值以及同理心的變革潛力。